The other side of grace

We're all pretty familiar with the concept of grace. Grace, as we know it in the Christian realm, is defined as "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God." Think about this for a moment though...do you usually find it's easier to give grace or to receive it?

I would venture to guess your answer is giving grace. At least mine is. And by any indication of readings I've done on the topic, a lot of other people would answer the same way. Why is that? In a world consumed by greed & self-absorption, why can't we accept something as seemingly simple as grace?

If you're like most people who have been alive for enough years to have made some of your own decisions, chances are you're not proud of all of those decisions. I hesitate to use the word regret, because I think it's entirely possible to make bad decisions without actually regretting them, so long as you take something positive out of the experience, or learn something.

But I digress. For a long time I had an issue with forgiveness. I wasn't able to give it or receive it. It broke me down, and I brought some relationships down with me. I had been so wronged, so misguided, I thought that I was on a never-ending spiral downwards. That karma would be the end of me. Once I got to the point where I could say I could forgive those who had wronged me, I thought I was good. That I had this grace thing figured out. What I didn't think about was the other side of grace. The receiving side.

How often do we beat ourselves up when we've messed up, even long after the other person has forgiven us and moved on? It's like we can't imagine the other person really being ok with something when we're not ok with it ourselves.

I find myself on the side of giving right now in a particular situation. And for the past couple of years. In this instance, I have genuinely been able to forgive someone for the hurt they may have caused. I usually end up feeling bad when they feel bad about it. Strange? Eh, to some people sure. Even though I should be mad, and want them to know I'm mad, I can't. And if I do voice that frustration, I immediately feel horrible about it. The problem comes when they seemingly can't come to grips with the situation. I honestly don't know if they realize that I have forgiven them. Are they just shying away because they feel bad for what's happened? Maybe. I'm not really sure. That's the explanation someone has given me which, by the way, I had never considered. I again took the blame upon myself. I thought I had done something wrong. I had forgiven the person, but not myself, even though I hadn't really done anything wrong. Makes sense right? Yeah...no.

If we can't even understand receiving grace from others, how do we comprehend the grace we receive from God? I don't think we get it. I don't. There are obvious exceptions, but you would be hard pressed to find someone willing to give their own life for the sake of another. Think about it...

Remember, it's just as important to accept grace as to give it. There will be hurt feelings, misunderstandings, etc., but in the end grace and love should prevail. Mend broken bridges while you have the chance. Talk openly and honestly. You'd be surprised how much peaceful it can be.

http://www.uncensoredgrace.com/grace/give_grace.asp
http://www.uncensoredgrace.com/grace/receive_grace.asp

And regardless of what's happened, I have forgiven you. There are no hard feelings. There never have been. I don't want you to feel like you can't come around. That's more painful than anything else usually. Let's talk. Soon.